I cannot snap out of this funk...and worse, the funk is beatless.

So, I am really not liking my job these days. I have come to learn that dealing with the general public may not really be the best idea for me. Of course, I have no other work experience. Oh my. Woe is me. I've spent a lot of my time alone thinking. Perhaps it's the not getting the job thing, or maybe it's the man troubles, I can't be sure. Haha. That's funny. I don't even have a man and I still have man troubles. Leave it to me.

So, I'm spending my free time, hoping to receive a text message, or better still, a visit. And, since I last wrote, there has been no such luck. But, I did have an opportunity for a coffee, and booched due to out-of-town company. I just feel like I'm being played a little. And that is very boo. I am probably overreacting, at least a little bit. I just know the potential mental (emotional) frustration that this whole situation brings upon me, and I said I was aware of that way back in April. But I also know that I wouldn't give up a chance for a weekend of fun with the right person for just anything. It's the post-weekend happenings that are much more difficult (a.k.a. reality). At this point it seems like just initiating contact is hard enough. Because of the complicated history, everything (which is not much) is on the down-low. So, if I attempt contact via text and get no response, there is no alternate home telephone contact permitted. This would result in long and drawn-out conversations on our activities, when we're not even sure what those activities are or what they mean. Based on the limited contact of the last 5 weeks or so, it's like I'm back to where I was a year ago (well, maybe a little longer than that). The truth of the matter is, I wish we could both get our shit together and give it a real try. When things are good, they are amazing. Conversely, when things are bad - they are insanely, earthshatteringly bad.

Right now, not knowing (or seeing or communicating) is just frustrating. I'm wondering that if an unbiased party was to read this blog, if they would be led to believe that I'm some sort of heart-sick puppydog, crazy-ass bitch. I'm not. At least most of the time. I just have strong feelings for a bad, bad boy. And he really isn't even bad. Arg.

Independence Day!

So, it's the day, I am independent. Of course, I was independent yesterday, but I was also more inclined to walk the dangerous line of drunk texting. So, dude from the previous messages is still confusing me. It's probably not warranted, considering it's been about two weeks since I last saw him. I did hear from him once since, but he needed a favour.

I just want to meet someone that intrigues me. And, ideally that person should have some source of income that supports that person's spending. My dilemma, the boy the interests me, is fucking horrible with money, and with jobs. Oh right, the other dilemma, I only hear from that person about once every couple of weeks. Boo. Maybe it's not so boo. I suppose it could be worse. I could be getting the "broken from the earlier part of the weekend boy"....you know the one that shows up, already in a mess, convinces you to join in, and then falls asleep on you. Of course that version of the boy also could result in frustrated version me 2.0 - the me that is awake - and watching snoring boy sleep, still horny and with less smoke than 6 hours previous. Maybe I'm just a whiner. Of course it could just be that I'm complainy today cause I'm too warm, and a lil too full.