Deep Breath

So, I am cynical. Very, very cynical. A wonderful quote I read somewhere says, "A cynic is just a frustrated optimist" - and I am very, very frustrated. And, I refuse to believe that I am a pessimist. If I was a pessimist, how I could I allow my hopes to be crushed time and time again? And then be hurt and surprised by it all? Nah. If I was a true pessimist I wouldn't have hopes because I know they would be beaten into little itty bitty pieces by people. Perhaps this makes pessimists more efficient people. Why waste the time going around in circles and getting nowhere.

I want to scream and clean my house. Well, I don't want to clean my house; but, it does need a good cleaning. And yet here I am. Venting. And feeling a little better. But still a little miffed. I should be smoking by now. That is why I took my break from cleaning. So far dishwasher - check! Washed one frying pan too! Holy crap - I've worked for like 15 minutes and am taking a break. I must be a government worker.

God-damn button-pushers. Not the government workers (okay, maybe a few of 'em), but the people who push our buttons. I don't let very many people push my buttons - but right now, it feels like there are a few keys stuck on my keyboard - FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKkk. There is only one person who makes me this frustrated and confused and, worse still, used. I also feel kind of dirty and gross, but that could just be my period. Perhaps I should study behavioral psychology and figure it all out.