I really have to learn to get myself off

So, when I say "I really have to learn to get myself off," what I really mean is that I need to learn to be satisfied with myself, and perhaps by myself.

More often than I would like, recently I have noticed myself being rather assholelike and self-centered. I'm not liking those qualities in myself. I'm finding myself wasting time again, but now it's by means of overanalyzing and waiting. Waiting for what? Who knows. Sometimes I really do wonder. It's a little premature to be thinking this way, which is more alarming still. It's sorta like I put my life on hold, to the convenience of others. Of course, that could just be me being self-centered again. Sometimes it's really hard to distinguish.

I'm trying hard not to repeat mistakes. It's rather difficult. And, I'm trying hard not to let myself get too down (although this week was rather craptastic). Man, oh man, was this week ever craptastic. That's an understatement. Karma kicked my ass again. I don't want to be bitter or jealous of anyone, or anything. This week I had to fake happiness for someone - when I was truly upset. But, again maybe I'm just being jealous, bitter and self-centered.

So, I didn't get the job. So, my friend did. So, I didn't talk to the guy. Meh. I spent a lot of time sleeping, and being frustrated. I'll admit it, I was also sexually aroused, as well. Sadly, I didn't hear from the guy. Or was it? This is one area where the subject line does not apply. Not that you needed to know that, nor wanted to know that. Too bad. If you've read this much - you should expect crap like this from me by now.

Above and beyond the job and man woes (which apparently in this economy, do not appear to be on the rise), there are also the health woes, the financial woes, and damnit the cleaning woes. I am just not a neat-freak. Nor will I ever be. Perhaps I should be. Perhaps I should be a three-headed platypus-robot. I see the robot a more likely turn of events for me. I'm an organized mess, or at least I like to believe. Just not quite organized enough. And yes, I am aware that was not a sentence.

I really hope tomorrow is more relaxing, yet productive - and for the love of all things holy - more enjoyable. Don't get me wrong, fooling around with the 'rents and teaching 'em technological things is fun and all....but I gotta have something a little more spicy to do on a Saturday. Of course, it has to be cheap...cause it's a recession and all. May tomorrow be less rantworthy!