Pricks! Ugh! And I mean of the needle persuasion. Not that other pricks are more desirable. I'm sitting here "enjoying a little time off." I don't know who came up with that expression, but I can assure you, that they were in no way referencing me, today. Although, I am getting paid for it. I kinda feel like an IV drug user, of course without the high, and less blood than earlier today. Go bloodwork. I will say this, 12 hours to not drink a beverage for a smoker is insane! My throat is raw and it hurts. This is where the non-smokers of the world (and worse, the reformed smokers) unite and chant their infinite wisdom on the ways of not smoking, and of course, tips and tricks for me to improve myself. Bah! Eat me, I say.
So, I'm still kinda thinking about some guy, I shouldn't be wasting my time thinking about. I was surprised yesterday, when there was contact - as flimsy a means of contact it was. And of course, I immediately felt happy for my miniscule victory and ashamed of my questioning and untrusting behaviour. Skepticism really. And, I've already shared my one good quote about skepticism in a previous blog. Who invented text-messaging and why have we not eliminated it all together. I guess I really shouldn't blame the text messaging genius, but instead the one who sent me the shitty message yesterday. I mean it was I guess what I had asked previously. But, I feel like a fucking $20 bill. Which makes me sad, and mad - and all out frustrated. But, I suppose I deserve it for being optimistic. I just don't want to sit around for the next week, pining away for someone who views me as a means to "get something". I am something. But, I am not an object, like a wallet, or a hotel. I am not a chaffeur, and I am not a loan officer. I have to remember these things.
Still haven't been productive. Well, I could have been less productive. But, not by much. And on that note...I'm gonna stop typing and do more of that - nothing, cause I can.
Monday, June 22, 2009
Friday, June 19, 2009
I really have to learn to get myself off
So, when I say "I really have to learn to get myself off," what I really mean is that I need to learn to be satisfied with myself, and perhaps by myself.
More often than I would like, recently I have noticed myself being rather assholelike and self-centered. I'm not liking those qualities in myself. I'm finding myself wasting time again, but now it's by means of overanalyzing and waiting. Waiting for what? Who knows. Sometimes I really do wonder. It's a little premature to be thinking this way, which is more alarming still. It's sorta like I put my life on hold, to the convenience of others. Of course, that could just be me being self-centered again. Sometimes it's really hard to distinguish.
I'm trying hard not to repeat mistakes. It's rather difficult. And, I'm trying hard not to let myself get too down (although this week was rather craptastic). Man, oh man, was this week ever craptastic. That's an understatement. Karma kicked my ass again. I don't want to be bitter or jealous of anyone, or anything. This week I had to fake happiness for someone - when I was truly upset. But, again maybe I'm just being jealous, bitter and self-centered.
So, I didn't get the job. So, my friend did. So, I didn't talk to the guy. Meh. I spent a lot of time sleeping, and being frustrated. I'll admit it, I was also sexually aroused, as well. Sadly, I didn't hear from the guy. Or was it? This is one area where the subject line does not apply. Not that you needed to know that, nor wanted to know that. Too bad. If you've read this much - you should expect crap like this from me by now.
Above and beyond the job and man woes (which apparently in this economy, do not appear to be on the rise), there are also the health woes, the financial woes, and damnit the cleaning woes. I am just not a neat-freak. Nor will I ever be. Perhaps I should be. Perhaps I should be a three-headed platypus-robot. I see the robot a more likely turn of events for me. I'm an organized mess, or at least I like to believe. Just not quite organized enough. And yes, I am aware that was not a sentence.
I really hope tomorrow is more relaxing, yet productive - and for the love of all things holy - more enjoyable. Don't get me wrong, fooling around with the 'rents and teaching 'em technological things is fun and all....but I gotta have something a little more spicy to do on a Saturday. Of course, it has to be cheap...cause it's a recession and all. May tomorrow be less rantworthy!
More often than I would like, recently I have noticed myself being rather assholelike and self-centered. I'm not liking those qualities in myself. I'm finding myself wasting time again, but now it's by means of overanalyzing and waiting. Waiting for what? Who knows. Sometimes I really do wonder. It's a little premature to be thinking this way, which is more alarming still. It's sorta like I put my life on hold, to the convenience of others. Of course, that could just be me being self-centered again. Sometimes it's really hard to distinguish.
I'm trying hard not to repeat mistakes. It's rather difficult. And, I'm trying hard not to let myself get too down (although this week was rather craptastic). Man, oh man, was this week ever craptastic. That's an understatement. Karma kicked my ass again. I don't want to be bitter or jealous of anyone, or anything. This week I had to fake happiness for someone - when I was truly upset. But, again maybe I'm just being jealous, bitter and self-centered.
So, I didn't get the job. So, my friend did. So, I didn't talk to the guy. Meh. I spent a lot of time sleeping, and being frustrated. I'll admit it, I was also sexually aroused, as well. Sadly, I didn't hear from the guy. Or was it? This is one area where the subject line does not apply. Not that you needed to know that, nor wanted to know that. Too bad. If you've read this much - you should expect crap like this from me by now.
Above and beyond the job and man woes (which apparently in this economy, do not appear to be on the rise), there are also the health woes, the financial woes, and damnit the cleaning woes. I am just not a neat-freak. Nor will I ever be. Perhaps I should be. Perhaps I should be a three-headed platypus-robot. I see the robot a more likely turn of events for me. I'm an organized mess, or at least I like to believe. Just not quite organized enough. And yes, I am aware that was not a sentence.
I really hope tomorrow is more relaxing, yet productive - and for the love of all things holy - more enjoyable. Don't get me wrong, fooling around with the 'rents and teaching 'em technological things is fun and all....but I gotta have something a little more spicy to do on a Saturday. Of course, it has to be cheap...cause it's a recession and all. May tomorrow be less rantworthy!
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